Yuk!

This week is a week I've been looking forward to since November, only I don't anymore.
In 5 days I should have been running the marathon. By now I was supposed to be in the best form I've ever been, feeling great and being nervous and excited all at the same time, only I don't. In 2 days it's a month since I last went for a run and not being able to do proper cardio is driving me insane. My tummy hurts and no matter what I eat it gets upset. I'm feeling yuky, sleeping badly and got all this energy that I don't know what to do with. Feel like hyding away somewhere, alternatively crawl out of my own body. It's amazing how your craving for unhealthy foods goes up, almost exponentially to the amount of excercise you do, or rather don't do. I'm back drinking again, which is great but it's also made me realise how much better I felt when I wasn't drinking. Have to admit it's been a bit too much drinking lately so a middle way is propbably advisable...

I just got a leaflet promoting next years Flora London marathon registration, which opens on Sunday. Suppose the positive thing is that I already got a place so don't need to worry about that, but it's little comfort. It's over a year away and that's a very, very long time from now. I'm feeling really down about missing the marathon. I really wanted to be there at the start and finish on Sunday. Still haven't made up my mind about NY cause I'm worried I'll be taking on too much running two marathons in 5 months and to have to raise another £1000 on top of the other £850 that I still need to raise for HEART UK. Will speak to my doctor next Tuesday when I go back for what will hopefully be my last visit. No more aircast for me please.